Its beginning to look alot like...

Well... It is and was that time of the year. The yearly ritual of stuffing our faces with Turkey was quickly pushed aside for the Holiday Glee. As soon as you woke up from your nap, saw the Lions lose and the Raiders crush my heart yet again, your neighborhood store already putting candy canes in the window and annoying Signing Santa trinkets.

What is the rush to get to Christmas? It just means a mad rush to an awkward looking cake.

Stores and business are forcing the general public to accept Christmas earlier and earlier just to fleece Americans from their hard earned $$$$. Editors Note: Please buy your christmas tree next year from Tylers Trees NYC (www.tylerstreesnyc.com). We are a highly professional and skilled laborers dedicated to bringing Holiday Glee.

However, just like most big Holidays, Christmas is alot alot of hype. As a young lad, it is a holiday that parents would leverage and invigorate the fear machine so that kids would do their chores. "Does little billy want a new red bike??? We'll Santa is watching and if you don't power wash the deck, you are going to get coal in your stocking."

Is that fair? Absolutely! And i will milk the holidays for my kids starting in September.

What is not fair, however, is when you get older and you have no hope of good presents. For weeks, my family asked me what i wanted for the Holidays. I really had no idea...

So it came time, Christmas morning and present surrounding the tree. Its sad to say, i had a smile from ear to ear when i opened a box of that contained 12 pairs of adidas socks.

Are socks and underwear what i have to look forward to for the rest of my life?

I guess... Hand me the power washer... I'll work for a little more excitement next year.

PS- Early Bird Special- Place your Tylers Trees Order now and get a free pair of socks (Offer limited to the first 12 customers)

The Epic Battle: Bathroom Attendants

Editor's Note: I have not posted in quite some time and there is truly no reason other than to say I have been lazy, Entourage started, and Sam Adam's Summer Ale is alot more appetizing than sitting in front of the computer that I already sit in front of all day long attempting to post a blog entry. I shall be better from here on out.... I promise (I don't like Sam Adam's autumn seasonal beer).

Well... I went out to drinks last night with my boss and former co-worker who is moving to Seattle at Dos Caminos last night. Dos Caminos is always a good time that can lead to some trouble. However, after several margaritas, nature was telling me it was time to go to the bathroom.

An thus, the Epic Battle begins...

I first want to pose the question: What is the purpose of the bathroom attendant? Most often, the bathroom is hardly even clean! Isn't you job to clean the bathroom when no one is around? I don't expect there to be an empty Corona above the urinal.

So after finding the most sanitary position to relieve myself, the true conflict begins...

Of course im going to wash my hands, however is washing my hands a non-verbal binding agreement to tip the guy? Why is this such a deserving service that i need to decrease my net worth by $1. I have been washing my hands for 24 years, however i dont reward myself with any monetary compensation, let alone do i feel proud about it. It is routine and expected part of my bathroom regime.

However, how do you avoid the clearly unnecessary tip? If you dont wash your hands, you are simply dirty. If you do wash you hands and bail on the attendant, you are a jerk.

This dilemma is on par with the whole "If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?" quandary.

Also, when will i be in a position to need the various items that they have out there? I can see gum coming into play often, but do i really need aftershave, cologne or any of that mumb-jumbo? If i went out and didnt put that on, then im an idiot. If im overly self-conscious and require more musk then deport me to central jersey slick back my hair.

Regardless, the bathroom attendant will be a fixture atany trendy place i go. Why cant they just realize that the true service is a) keeping the bathroom clean, b) opening the grimmy nasty door for people.

NOTE: There has been only one bathroom attendant in my life time that has actually earned his tip! He was at the club Body English at the Hard Rock Hotel. This dude stood 10 feet away and threw the paper towels like a frisbee across the bathroom to the sink area. My net worth decreased by $2 on that occassion.

Top 5 Most Devastating Sports Moments

Well... Sports... Its part of my life... and sadly a large part of my life. At a very young age, i realized that my growth disorder was preventing me from being a viable professional athlete. This picture is of me when i peaked in my athletic career... 4th grade... when everyone was short !

Annnnnddddd.... I digress... About three years ago i was at a charity event that had a bunch of big name athletes (Jerry Rice, Robert Horry, Gary Payton, Eddie George, Tony Hawk, etc...) and at the after party, i needed an "in" to talk to all the women at the party. How could i compete with Gary Payton! We'll... i instantly became a triple crown jockey and thus, a legit professional athlete... BOO- YEAH!

Aaaannnnnnnnddddd.... I'm back... For those that know me, i grow anxious about my sports teams. I endure Raider games, celebrate Laker wins & Championships :-), jump for joy when the Dodgers are televised on the east coast, and follow the Maize 'n Blue.

However, with every great win, there are painful sports memories.

Below are my top 5 Most Devastating Sports Moments in my life.

1. The Tuck Rule- It was a fumble. I hate Walt Coleman. Enough said.



2. 5th Grade Basketball - While on the Curtis School A Team, we travelled to JTD (Arch rival) and mid-way through the third quarter, the ref called me for palming the ball on four (4) consecutive plays. I got taken out..........


3. 2005 NBA Finals - The lakers were such a highly favored team I was eagerly anticipating running around Michigan with Laker Championship gear... except... they got run off the court.



4. Circa 1991 - Dodger Stadium - Random Game - As a young lad, my grandmother would take my mom, brother and I to Dodger games. We would sit right next to the Dodger's batter's box. Well... Orel Herschiser began chatting it up with Mama Millman and i couldnt understand why... and now i do. Having Orel Herschiser hit on my mom doesn't sit well with me... or my dad.



5. Appalachian State- I mean, DI-AA... You are Michigan! If you are going to schedule a cupcake, you better win! What makes it even worse, a routine field goal was blocked to win the game. COME ON!

Spontaneous Subway Singing

Well… Last week, while on the 4 train en route back from the Yankee Game heading to casa de Heller/Millman, an interesting and provocative question was posed: What song will have the greatest chance of provoking the entire subway car to sing?

Is this some weird sociology experiment? Did I pay attention in that class in college enough to know if sociology was the area of applicable study to find the answer to my previous question? I did take sociology 101 freshmen year, so i was probably motivated to learn and didn't realize the social distractions all around me... However, i did have class with Garret Rivas "The Show" and Jake Long, so it couldn't have been tremendously hard.

Then i thought... What songs can I reference and recite at ease???

• Randy Newman - “I Love LA”


• Aladdin Soundtrack – “A Whole New World”


• Sublime – “What I Got”

All very good songs, but very niche… Then i thought... What factors would contribute to a successful spontaneous subway sing session (notice the consonance):

• Does Age play a roll in this (Yellow Submarine by the Beatles vs Get Low by Lil Jon)?



• Does geographic location matter (NY vs Boston vs LA)?

However, the answer dawned on us… The Number One song to spur spontaneous singing on a subway isssssssssssssssssss……………… Happy Birthday!

And thus, some random dude wearing a Mickey Mantle T-Shirt jersey was serenaded by an entire subway.

However, the question has altered… What is the 2nd most likely song that will be the catalysts for spontaneous singing on a subway car???

I think the front runner is: Coolio – “Gansta’s Paradise”...

However, what are your thoughts? Post your suggestions in the comments.

The New and Much Longer Commute

Well... sorry for the delay in the posts... Busy times with work and Lake Show. It is no excuse and i will follow up shortly with another post.

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Well... each and every day, people wake up and repeat the same steps until they go to bed. For me, that routine involves a moderately long commute that involves three forms of transportation: subway, train, and boss picking me up from the train station.

My day starts at 6:22 and is incredibly not efficient. After a quick shower, i engage in a daily struggle to dress myself. Its a battle to watch SportsCenter, guess the weather, and item by item cloth myself.

Then begins the commute... down the elevator and around the corner where someone ALWAYS has put out bird food. Every morning, the pigeons scatter and kamakaze dive bomb poop all around me. Into the subway and up to Grand Central where the stairs up to Grand Central have been incorporated into the Millman Get Fit regime. (Note: There have been recent sightings of me forgoing the subway and huffing it from 42nd to 30th)

Upon boarding the hour and 10 min train ride, that is when the fun begins... and by fun, i actually mean a super-sized portion of potential badness.

Here are couple things that you could expect on the train...

• At least one person playing punk music on their iPod at a way too early hour... (Editor's note: is there an appropriate hour for punk music?)


• Someone uncomfortably snoring next to you


• Coffee spills and no one owns up to it to warn you that it has trickled down and seaping into your briefcase


• Waking up at the last stop and no one is the train and everyone failed to wake you up...


• Perfect weather going into the tunnel to get to Grand Central, and a monsoon when you get out with no umbrella. Eureka! A guy selling umbrella's! within 3 seconds the umbrella is rendered useless and inside out.

With all this potential badness destined to ruin my commute, their is one silver lining: The Bar Car.

The Bar Car is the solve to the happy hour that everyone misses by working outside the city. It is sheer bliss but a small battle to drink enough to get buzzed but not too much where you have to break the seal on the train.

SO when you are driving home, or smushed between someone on the subway, just think that you pretty much know what you are getting... I am getting an hour and a half of potential badness with a small side of potential bliss.

In-Flight Entertainment

Well... Lets just say I had an interesting flight back to the NYC this weekend. I flew home to Los Angeles and spent the weekend sitting at the beach. It was a perfect weekend but the true story starts on the flight home.

With many of the long-haul flights, airlines have personal TVs with ample channel, movie and music choices.


I sat down in seat 30-D on Delta Flight 719 leaving LAX and arriving at JFK. As soon as the plane took off, i immediately launched in the in-flight Trivia. It was truly a duel with the person in 18-A. Came down to the last question. Who doesn't know that the wickets on a cricket pitch are 22 yards apart! Come on!




So after my display of brilliance, I settled in, relaxed the seat belt, gained the inside elbow position on the arm rest (crucial for a comfortable flight) and began looking through the movie options with my aisle side hand (needed to maintain my elbow position).


There were some solid choices including Benjamin Button, Doubt, Body of Lies, and Slum Dog but I picked "The Wrestler." I heard it was good and I heard it was Mikey Rourke's comeback (Editor's Note: Who is Mikey Rourke?).


WELLL... i was entertained a little more than expected!

About 45 minutes in, Randy the Ram (Mikey Rourke) visits a gentleman's establishment and his favorite stripper Marisa Tomei.

Below are the thoughts that entered my mind as the scene progressed.

• I bet Delta cut this scene out. Woah... Wait... This isn't censored at all.


• This is awkward... realllly awkward. (I immediately scan who is sitting around me) No kids around me. CRAP! One just ran by and Marisa Tomei was twirling like a draddle on the pole.


• Should I Fast Forward? No... this scene is very very very very crucial to the character development.


• What next? What next? Oh... Randy the Ram is getting a private dance.


• The grandma in 31-C is giving me a disgusting look. Is that a naughty look? Barf Bag! Where is it?


• Here comes a nun... GREAT! Hide! (I proceeded to put the hood of my sweatshirt over my head but continued to watch)

So...what is a guy suppose to do in that situation? I'm not mad at Delta for having a terrific selection of movies but there should have been a warning that said "STRIPPERS IN THE MOVIE!"

Regardless, for anyone that saw the movie, Marisa Tomei looked great and for those that didn't see the movie, the movie was great and Marisa Tomei was even better.

VOTE TOP RIGHT IN THE POLL FOR MOST AWKWARD MOVIE POSSIBLE TO WACTH WHILE ON AN AIRPLANE.

Joy to the Condiment

Well... Let's be honest, as we order food, the typical person doesnt place enough emphasis on the choice of supporting condiment. The condiment can make or break a meal.

The choice is essentially no different that choice we make every time you go out in the winter (not applicable in LA): is it cold enough for a jacket? If you bring a jacket, do i check it at the bar? Am i going to hold it all night? Do i really want a side of sweet and sour sauce? Is that jar of sweet and sour sauce cluttering the table too much thus reducing the opportunity of having a pitcher of beer or water and diminishing the any chance of proper hydration.

It's a big choice and many restaurants realized the growing importance to made condiments a profit center. No longer can you go to McDonalds or Burger King and get 3 BBQ sauces, 2 Honeys, 4 Ranches, and 1 Sweet & Sour packets. They'll charge you and won't think twice about it.

So this begs the question... what is the best condiment?

• Ranch- I think this is essentially the most versatile. It can go with anything and easily go with more if people expand their comfort zone. I've done ranch with breaded chicken & spaghetti and it was quiet good.



• Honey Mustard- A good honey mustard is one with a little spice. Best Honey Mustard to Date: Todaro Bro's & Maize 'n Blue Deli. The Honey Mustard kicks in towards the end of the bite and doesn't overwhelm the fundamental ingredients.



• BBQ Sauce- This has a more narrow application but i feel like it was a pioneer in the condiment expansion era so it deserves to be listed.

However, i think there needs to be proper attention towards those that support condiments.

• Young Greg Heller- While manning his desk at Mr Deutsche's Bank, he also is known for his condiment drawer which is fully stocked at all times.



• Mike Nicoll- Will put ketchup on everything... including and not limited to cheerios, oranges, & salad.



• Mitchell Daar- Has been known to put crushed red peppers (maybe considered a spice) on everything.



• Tyler Kupper- Not only orders three additional side of thousand island, but takes it the next step and manufactures his own during dire times.

Regardless, i think its about time that the condiment lobby steps up its efforts in making the condiment category a proper part of the food pyramid.

I'm sure this will spur more discussion, feel free to post in the comments section.