The Epic Battle: Bathroom Attendants

Editor's Note: I have not posted in quite some time and there is truly no reason other than to say I have been lazy, Entourage started, and Sam Adam's Summer Ale is alot more appetizing than sitting in front of the computer that I already sit in front of all day long attempting to post a blog entry. I shall be better from here on out.... I promise (I don't like Sam Adam's autumn seasonal beer).

Well... I went out to drinks last night with my boss and former co-worker who is moving to Seattle at Dos Caminos last night. Dos Caminos is always a good time that can lead to some trouble. However, after several margaritas, nature was telling me it was time to go to the bathroom.

An thus, the Epic Battle begins...

I first want to pose the question: What is the purpose of the bathroom attendant? Most often, the bathroom is hardly even clean! Isn't you job to clean the bathroom when no one is around? I don't expect there to be an empty Corona above the urinal.

So after finding the most sanitary position to relieve myself, the true conflict begins...

Of course im going to wash my hands, however is washing my hands a non-verbal binding agreement to tip the guy? Why is this such a deserving service that i need to decrease my net worth by $1. I have been washing my hands for 24 years, however i dont reward myself with any monetary compensation, let alone do i feel proud about it. It is routine and expected part of my bathroom regime.

However, how do you avoid the clearly unnecessary tip? If you dont wash your hands, you are simply dirty. If you do wash you hands and bail on the attendant, you are a jerk.

This dilemma is on par with the whole "If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?" quandary.

Also, when will i be in a position to need the various items that they have out there? I can see gum coming into play often, but do i really need aftershave, cologne or any of that mumb-jumbo? If i went out and didnt put that on, then im an idiot. If im overly self-conscious and require more musk then deport me to central jersey slick back my hair.

Regardless, the bathroom attendant will be a fixture atany trendy place i go. Why cant they just realize that the true service is a) keeping the bathroom clean, b) opening the grimmy nasty door for people.

NOTE: There has been only one bathroom attendant in my life time that has actually earned his tip! He was at the club Body English at the Hard Rock Hotel. This dude stood 10 feet away and threw the paper towels like a frisbee across the bathroom to the sink area. My net worth decreased by $2 on that occassion.