New York Dogs

Well... let me say that i'm completely biased on this subject. My views are tainted. They are completely one sided.



First, the best dog in the world is Brandy. My parent's beagle. It doesnt matter that she chews through the carpet or wakes up at 5 am, or even eats an entire wheel of cheese when no one is looking. Just know Brandy is the best.



Second, i am sick an tired of the inhumane treatment that the majority of new yorkers engage in towards animals on a daily basis.



Here is a list of grievances I would file with PETA:

• Hideous fashion- I dont understand why people feel compelled to put stupid sweaters and hats on dogs to make them cute. Does it make them cute? No? Usually the dog is a whimpy little nothing dog that is hideous to begin with. Its a smoke and mirrors mission. You can't put something cute on a hideous dog and expect people to think the dog is cute.


• Fuu Fuu Dogs- 90% of dogs in New York are little nothing dogs as described above. They walk outside and shiver and whimper. You see them being carried as an accessory and not walked as a dog. They are no different than a purse. Next thing you will see are girls bedazzling their fuu fuu dogs.


• Sidewalk bathrooms- Honestly, this stems back to an incident in 9th grade when i stepped in poop en route to Bling Bling at the Whiskey on Sunset (a lot of LA references there... sorry if you are lost). There is no reason why a dog should poop on cement. Its not natural. Its not fresh. Its prone for bad things and disgusting smells. Further... there aren't many hoses to clean your shoes in New York and it behooves me to clean fecal matter in my sink or bathtub.


• Freedom to be a Dog- Dogs love to sniff and chill, sniff and chill, then go meander to a new spot and sniff and chill. In an apartment, there is only so much sniffing and new smells available. That is why dogs have such a negative rep... You always find dogs near the toilet because that provides the most unique smells. Everything else in an apartment probably smells like pinesol and frebreeze.

A couple tri-state dog shout-outs:

• Casey Schulweis- Always up to no good. The King Golden Retriever of the UES.
• "Go" Blue Mintz- You think you are a small fuu fuu dog but you weigh 70 lbs and love eating my rainbow sandals.
• Lacey Azus- Always a cutie.